haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
