What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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