I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
