I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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