Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
