I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
