DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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