Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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