Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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