that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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