Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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