"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this just has baby written all over it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
