I could make wine with my vomit
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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