My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we're so committed to being not committed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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