Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
