Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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