We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
