you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
