someone threw a dead crab at me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We're too hungover to prance.
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