girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Are we still banned from the library?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
