im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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