I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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