If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You smell like stripper and shame
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i came on her dog
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
