sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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