so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
