can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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