shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
