I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I love you.
Bad choice
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
