I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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