Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
