I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
