he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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