someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
