The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
