He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
