There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
