So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
