You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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