she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
