He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
