cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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