here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
