Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
