i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
