this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
