I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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