i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
