i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the liver wants what the liver wants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
