dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
