And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
