Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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