I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
